Midweek Mental Health Reminder
For The Fathers
“Father’s be good to your daughters, and daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, that turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too”
Father’s Day, 2016, I told my father Happy Father’s Day for the first time in my 24 years. It was probably the weirdest thing I've ever written on social media, and that's saying a lot, but somehow I found my way to my dad’s Facebook timeline to type out “Happy Father’s Day old man.” When he responded, I burst out crying. Let me backtrack.
Like many people, I didn't grow up with a dad. I knew who he was, where he lived (most of the time) I knew his new wife and kids, but for the most part, he was deadbeat. Our relationship is strained, and I thought I was ok with that, until recently a friend of mine, who had a similar relationship with his father, had his father suddenly pass. Two days later, I find out my dad’s dad passed, whom I never got to meet. The man responsible for my father’s set of daddy issues. That put things into perspective for me.
If my dad taught me anything, it's that parents are humans first. Whether or not they chose to have children, being a parent doesn't erase their humanity, and humans have flaws. They're always going have to them, and rather than shun my dad for his flaws, I have to look deeper into who he really is, not for him but for me, to actually heal. Yea, I have daddy issues, but so does he. One of us has got to man up so that this cycle stops. I don't want to have a kid that doesn't know their grandfather, and I don't want my dad to die without at least saying I tried to fix us.
This Father’s Day, when I posted on my FB wall, and he responded “Thank you baby! This just made my day.” I cried. For him, for me, for this journey to healing that we’re about to embark on. I know there are other folks out there dealing with something similar, or the exact same thing, so from the Tribe we say: if you have your fathers here & it's not the best relationship, try to mend those flowers. If they're gone, mend your heart. If you're a father, love your children so that they can love, and, if you have a great dad, give him his flowers while he's here. Tomorrow isn't promised, and life isn't easy, but love makes it all a little better ❤️